Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
