After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
