I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
