I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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