You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
only if we run a train.
done.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
