my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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