ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
