i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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