Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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