Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I didn't notice because vodka
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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