man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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