these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just pynch a tree in the face
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
