I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had to cum in my sink.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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