i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
