I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize