I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
