Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
