Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
