I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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