I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
