I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
