she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
