I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
