At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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