oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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