Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
