I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
