This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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