i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
