Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
