dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
