I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
