handjob tips. give me some.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
