yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
nutella sex= disaster
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
