Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
