He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
