K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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