just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
