The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
