Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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