I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
