He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
