I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You made out with two different species that night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
