Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
