He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
