So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize