I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
