How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
