I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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