She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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