dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
