Absence makes the cock grow harder.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
