What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
