ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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