In the future we'll all be gay
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
