I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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