U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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