I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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