Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
