i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
