I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
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