fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
