The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
