Welp...herpes.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
