I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
