My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
