So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
