How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
