I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
