We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
