the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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