WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
