just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize